......Grandfather's articles were trampled.
I have already found proofs as clear as the pathogen of Hinamizawa Syndrome, yet... why can't they accept it's mode of life as well?
...Because they have never heard of it before?
Because they can't imagine it in their minds?
Because such a ridiculous thing is impossible...?
I don't care about that....
I don't care about the limit of those commoners' understanding abilities....
Why won't anyone believe the truth of grandfather's article that has been confirmed by Irie Institution up to this day?
And why do people believe that humans are a special existence?
Aren't humans just a species of animal?
And while confirming the existence of various kinds of parasites that control their hosts, how can people say with certainty that parasites that uses humans as hosts do not exist?
......No, that's not it, that's not it. That's not right.
Because, didn't everyone believe grandfather's article up to this day...?
Didn't the health ministry and department of defence lend us their assistence because everyone were so impressed by grandfather's article?
......And all of that suddenly turned cold in a flip of a hand.
In other words... it meant everything were because I had Grandpa Koizumi as a backing shield.
...Then, does that mean... that nobody ever took grandfather's article seriously in the first place?
Everyone was simply pretending to praise the article to please Grandpa Koizumi?
What is the meaning of all the efforts I have made up until today...?
Up until today, I have always felt like I accomplished something, but what have I actually accomplished?
...Really, I don't even know what's what anymore, all I can do now is sulk in sadness.
The more I think, the more confused I am about what my life has been all about.
Takano(鷹野)... no, Takano(高野) Miyo was born and lived on to be useful for grandpa, wasn't she...?
......If that's the case, then I haven't accomplished anything.
What an absurd thing to say that I have counted the 3 together with grandpa, and is counting the 4 after....
......Stop it stop it.....
If I leave myself with even a little bit of room for thinking, criticism towards myself and my life quickly slips in....
By taking in alcohol everytime the gap in my heart is about to open, I can bury it for a little bit longer.
...Is it really that weird to presume an existence that has the ability to control people's minds and thinking?
It's true that Hinamizawa Syndrome was not the cause for the birth of ideologies.
The best it can do is cause patients to go mad. Nobody's saying that social or common beliefs came from it.
Grandfather lived in an age where you couldn't talk about the world without mentioning ideologies.
Even if we were to back down and admit that there are some exaggerated or twisted contents in the article since it was born in such an age, it's still no reason for people to deny it's foresighting potentials.
......There's no way people can just clean everything up simply by saying such a ridiculous thing cannot be true.
And... even though it's supposed to be the most important thing, also ignored was the fact that the queen carrier named Furude Rika is holding the life of the village in her hands.
Grandfather have always predicted the importance and dangerousness of the existence of the queen carrier ever since the beginning of his research on Hinamiza Syndrome.
However, the hypothesis that the death of the queen carrier will cause a great breakdown of the infected colony is a Pandora's box that cannot be demonstrated.
Because it cannot be confirmed other than after Furude Rika dies, and by the time she's dead, everything would be too late.
...However, as an objective truth, the fact that Furude Rika is a special existence as a queen carrier is not wrong, and it's also clear from various experiments that she has some special influences towards other regular carriers.
Her death will become the trigger for the collapse of the entire village.
......There's no mistake about that...!!
Because grandpa predicted that, he wrote it so!
And yet, to call it a comic book story, that's just too cruel...!
For them to refer to the various preparations we have made to protect her in order to fight against that worse case scenario as fictional projects used to tunnel funds... that's just too cruel.......
Everything I'm doing now is the continuation of what grandfather was going to do.
Therefore, to insult my research would be the same as insulting my grandfather.
In his article, grandfather said the first thing to do when beginning the research would be the protection of the queen carrier.
That's the truth, the right thing, and the most important thing. Yet, it was ridiculed upon the most...!!
The more I think, the more I am reminded of those insulting words.
......Feeling as if I can still hear those voices, I couldn't hold back my urge to plug my ears....
.........I bet all the directors think I'm nuts.
I meant to appeal for the continuation of the Irie Institution, and yet...... the effect was the exact opposite.
The directors must think of Hinamizawa Syndrome as even more of a silly thing now, and will probably push even harsher for the closure of the research.
If that happens, then I'll be returning to personal research again.
In other words, the same as grandfather.
...There's a limit to what one is able to research with only their passion.
......No, it's doubtful they would even let me go back to personal researches to begin with.
When Irie Institution is disbanded, a duty of confidentiality for all the involved works appears as well.
That was stated on the consent form, which I signed.
...We're not talking about an oral promise here... It means that if I were to break the promise, classified information protection squads like the Yamainu would go as far as wiping me out to keep everything confidential.
Even if that doesn't happen, Irie Institution will still eradicate Hinamizawa Syndrome within a few years from now, and bury every trace of it along with the research results.
This is not research and treatment.... All they're doing is pretending nothing ever existed in the first place.
...I came into this with the intention to take over and complete grandfather's research...... But the result was the complete opposite.
...Instead, I ended up lending a hand in possibly wiping out the research that grandfather has kept carefully under the wraps.
The treatment medicine is already being completed.
That cowardly Irie, he has always been so passive towards other researches, yet when it comes to treatment medicine research, he shows enough passion to rival even mine.
...On top of that... as much as I hate to say it, he has more than enough accomplishments and talent for it.
...He will definitely be able to come up with a plan to eradicate Hinamizawa Syndrome within three years, just like the new directors board wanted.
......The board will definitely give him enough funds to bury Hinamizawa Syndrome as well.
And Irie will probably happily bury even the fact that Hinamizawa Syndrome existed, I bet.
......Just like how he was ordered by the directors board and easily abandoned all the H170 type test medicines and research data...!
All I can do now...... just like Irie once did to me, is to hinder them passively while watching he and the others eradicate Hinamizawa Syndrome.
And then, when everything is over, where nothing will ever be presented, will I write an article that's destined to be destroyed....
...............Hold it within my chest, and dive off somewhere so that I can at least present it to grandfather...?
...Grandfather won't be happy even if I did that.
......Rather, he would probably shake his head at me for throwing a research he spent half his life on down the drain.
...Embracing me with his chest would be the last thing he do.......
I wanted to announce Hinamizawa Syndrome to the world.
I wanted people to accept it as a great accomplishment.
...I wanted to carve grandfather's name into history.........and promote him into a god.
Grandfether simply believed and waited for that time to come... and he must still be waiting anxiously for that day to come even after entering eternal sleep. And yet.......
......I ..........ruined all of it.............
I wanted to make grandfather god.
I wanted to become god myself as well.
...I figured if we do that, we would be together forever, and never be alone again.
If I become god, then I won't be tested by god.
No misfortune will visit me, nor will sudden train accidents.
Grandfather won't go away, nor will grandpa Koizumi.
......I won't have to be alone again ever....
...I am alone.
I have no allies.
I was simply dacing in ecstasy on top of a stage that nobody's looking at.
By the time I realized that, there are no applauses, only ridicules.
..........No, it's doubtful that anyone besides myself is even watching this in the first place....
My parents died, my grandfather died, and grandpa Koizumi died.... For three times, I am being played around with by God with dices.
Each time, I would feel like I managed to overcome it with my own strength. But I was wrong.
......Each time, I was protected by my next guardian, that's all.
And this time, there are no guardians left to protect me anymore....
Those defiant days when I first arrived at Hinamizawa fully intent on taking God on and kicking him off his throne, just where have they gone off to....?
Right now, forget taking God on, I'm nothing but a loser being played around with.......
I suddenly don't care about anything anymore.
........If I care about something, I would be swallowed by sadness, so in order to not care about anything, I continue to soak my heart within alcohol....
A luxurious black car suddenly stopped near me.
...The sight of that overlapped with the car that came to capture me when I escaped from the institution (*note 1), and my mind was cleared up within an instant.
Exiting from the driver and front passanger seat are two suspicious looking men wearing black suits and sunglasses.
......The thought flashed across my mind.... These people must be sent by one of my client masterminds.
Being involved with the development of a biological weapon, a project whose very own existence must be wiped out, not to mention being the main person responsible, and if you add being in an unstable mental condition to that, it's obvious they would let me roam about freely.
...They're going to kidnap me and erase my existence even if it means turning me into a concrete block, no doubt about it...................... That's what I thought.
That's why... I bet they're planning to pin my arms behind my back or something and shove me into the car roughly for sure.
...Since I was prepared for that, I was a little surprised when they bowed deeply toward me.
"You are the vice-administrator of Irie Institution, Major Takano Miyo, correct?"
"......Normally, yes.... but I'm just a drunken loser right now."
"There is someone who would like to meet you. May we ask you to come with us?"
".........Even if I refuse, you're just going to take me by force anyway, right?"
I'm going to get killed either way...... And even if I live, I still can't grant my grandfather's wish.... I said with cynicism.
And then, the person sitting in the back seat of the car said,
"We won't force you.... However, I believe we can be of help to you, Major."
I think she's near my age. But I don't remember meeting this young female before.
Since she knows about Irie Institution, she must be related to my clients, I guess.
...She can't possibly be a client herself, at such a young age.
......Most likely, she was sent as a messenger by a client who doesn't want to show himself, or something like that.
......Either way, I can't make grandfather god anymore even if I live on now. I can't become god either.
Then, where or how a loser is killed.... none of that matter anymore.
I made up my mind, and followed their suggestion to get into the back seat of the car.
...Once they confirmed that, the car began to move forward comfortably with a smoothness unique to luxury cars.
For a while, the interior of the car was enveloped in silence.
......They're the ones who invited me. There's nothing for me to say to them first.
"...Long time no see- although even if I say that, you probably don't recognize me.... I have met with Takano-san once at Koizumi-sensei's funeral."
"......Oh, is that so? ...Sorry for not remembering."
There were many people at the funeral grounds, I can't remember everyone's face.
...But why say something like that as a greeting?
......Does that mean... she is with the Koizumi faction......?
"Koizumi-sensei has been active for a long time as an opinion leader in the recovery of post-war Japan. It would probably be difficult to speak of the peaceful Japan today without mentioning Koizumi-sensei's accomplishments."
".........................."
"Back when we were rebuilding the country from the post-war barren fields, the willing ones of our nation were monolithic. However, it is unfortunate that the same can't be said for now....... The peaceful era continues, and a generation who knowing nothing of barren fields begins to enter into the core of the nation, and the number of those who knows of such noble wills began to decrease.......... As the final elder of those noble comrades, Koizumi-sensei was the central support who has guided our nation towards the 21st century. However-"
"......After Koizumi-sensei's death, the Koizumi faction quickly faltered. In exchange, other factions began extending their influence, and things are becoming a mess, right?"
I heard about these things from Jirou-san, so I know about it.
And this is no different from the warring states period. When a lord or military leader dies, competition to become a successor always occurs, bringing chaos to the country.
...Our country hasn't changed one bit for the past few hundreds of years.
"That's correct....... Unfortunately, although the peaceful Japan has managed to build itself into a comfortable country to live in, at the same time, it has also forgotten the nobel wills of its beginning. Right now, various factions in Tokyo are in the middle of a conflict over who should get to take over the seat and powers left behind by Koizumi-sensei. If Koizumi-sensei and other deceased servicemen of our country finds out about this, they would be sighing from their graves without a doubt."
".....................What does that have to do, with me...?"
"Are you not the biggest victim of all this? Up until this day, You have experienced plenty of sudden changes in the direction of the wind, have you not...?"
"....................."
It's true that the research began under the sponsorship of Koizumi-sensei.
...Against that, it's true that contacts against the anti-Koizumi factions has been cold and intense.
...Maybe for them, the fact that every project left behind by Koizumi-sensei is an eyesore matters more than the actual contents of the research.
...In other words... it means they're not actually simply rejecting the project content itself...?
......Now that I think about it...... Something like this happened with grandfather too.
Back then, when Koizumi-sensei brought various authorities in the field with him to visit grandfather.
...Those people talked down to grandfather, a complete opposite from their praises earlier.
......The reason behind that was pressure from the masterminds at the time, that's what Koizumi-sensei told us later, remember...?
"The research of Hinamizawa Syndrome is the largest one within the Alphabet Project, it would not be an exaggeration to say that it is the Project's number one leader, in terms of funding, organization, and everything else. Because of that, your research has been made scapegoat by those people who are plotting to monopolize the interests of the Alphabet."
"............Scapegoat."
"By no means was the research of Hinamizawa Syndrome denied, that's what I'm saying. What's important to those people is the faction of that project, not its contents....... Today, that's what I wanted Takano-san to know."
"......In the end... I'm just a sacrifice goat put up for everyone to see, huh....... It didn't matter what kind of research I was doing... All they cared about was the fact that the research belonged to the Koizumi faction...."
"Exactly. Political factions themselves are the wind direction. Sometimes the wind is favorable, sometimes the wind is against you. Unfortunately, it is not easy to restore the wind direction once it has changed."
"You mean it's not easy to restore my clients from being hostile back to normal...?"
"That's right. The Alphabet Project has been completely taken over. All the directors have been replaced, and it's clear that they're only interested in fulfilling their own selfish desires....... They were never interested in listening to your desperate explanations in the first place."
...I grasped onto my knees, and remembered that humiliating day....
"............Let's take a step back now. What is the objective of the research to you, Takano-san?"
"Eh?.........Um, it's to fulfill my intellectual curiosity as a researcher...."
"Was not it because of the promise you have made with the late Takano-sensei, whom you referred to as grandfather and admired...?"
...I stiffened.
Since Koizumi-sensei told me that this fact could become a hinderance if people were to find out about it, I haven't revealed it to any of my clients.
......Where did she find out about this?
No, if they know about this...... it's possible that they know a lot more about us than I had imagined.
"Where did you find out about that?"
"From Koizumi-sensei."
"Eh?!"
"We are not your enemies. Please relax yourself. We came because we want to be of real help to you."
"................................................. ."
I don't know who she is, but... there's no doubt that she came wanting something from me.
...Just what kind of deal is she wanting to make with me?
For her to know about my relationship with grandfather, it doesn't look like I can be careless here anymore.
"However, in order for us to help you, you must tell us the truth. In other words, we want you to be honest."
".........I do not understand what you're saying."
"What is Takano-san's true objective for the research on Hinamizawa Syndrome?"
...To prove grandfather's research as a great accomplishment... and to make him a god.
"...................................."
"To prove the value of the late Takano-sensei's research to the world...... and to get revenge against those who trampled on and looked down on the articles that your grandfather wrote with all his might, is it not?"
I was at my limits just trying not to let my shock show on my face.
Just how much...... does this woman know about me?
...No, just who is this woman...?
How come she can tell everything that I'm thinking, as if they are all within her hand's reach?
"...................................."
But there's no way I can admit that out loud.......It's what they call dignity...
But while an angel-like smile appeared on the face of this elegantly smiling woman... she laughed (嗤う) in a devilish whisper done even more skillfully than me.
笑う (warau, to laugh) and 嗤う (also warau, but means to laugh (at), sneer) means different things.
笑う is to express good will, but... 嗤う means the exact opposite.
This woman has read my mind completely... and is testing just how honest I can be.
Whether I will speak the truth or not is no longer the problem.
...She's simply testing whether or not I can show enough trust to confess that to her.
"If what I'm saying is a complete misunderstanding, then please forgive me. I will take you to the nearest train station. Near this area, it would be the Kokura station, is that alright?"
".................um........................."
"But............... If what I'm saying is anywhere near your true feelings...... then I believe you and I can form a cooperative relationship. How about it? Takano Miyo-san?"
"..............................."
I couldn't reply, but that silence already held the same meaning as a reply.
......Because I am wanting to hear this woman's proposal.
Up until this day, I have always made my objective a vague one with abstract expressions such as turning grandfather into a god.
However... she has taught me clearly what my true object is.
My objective......is the revenge against grandfather's regret.
I want to make those people fight over and read the articles they once laughed at and trampled on.
And I want to make them believe and worship every single word grandfather left behind.
That is what my true object has been....
And... this woman has repeated that objective, which I had always only whispered within my heart, out loud, and asked me whether she's right or not.
.........Is this woman, an angel?...... Or a devil?
......If I call myself a human being... then is she something above that............?
"Your misfortune is caused by the fact that you did not understand your own goals physically.... That's why you could not achieve it no matter how much you devoted yourself to the research. To set abstract goals such as uncovering the mysteries of the Hinamizawa Syndrome, never able to be achieved, you couldn't help but to question your own life....... Am I right? Right, that's wrong. Your true objective, no, your dream is not something that abstract. Can you imagine this scenery?...... The true top leaders in control of this nation reading your grandfather's article, and while being shocked at its contents, believing all of it without a hint of doubt... Those people humbly reading those articles with footprints left on their backsides, and while expressing their respect at the insightfulness of the research, tremble in fear.......Well? Can you imagine it now, I wonder...?"
............This is the first time I imagined something like that.
...And... that actually just may be my dream....
"The term Hinamizawa Syndrome was created by your grandfather, right? That word will echo to every corner of this nation...... the word that your grandfather created will remain carved in eternity."
"Remain carved... in eternity."
"That's right. That means raising your grandfather and his great accomplishments... into an eternal existence.......... Fufufufufufu? That is the dream you have devoted your entire life to as Takano Miyo...... is it not...? Fufufufufufu...?"
Grandfather's great accomplishments remain carved... in eternity. Carved.... in eternity....
"YET!! Those pigs who could not understand these great accomplishments turned that dream of yours into a sacrifice simply because of faction conflicts and scramble for interests, and is trying to trample it into the ground! ............Just like how they... *squish*... trampled on your grandfather's articles... right? Fufufufufu...."
"............................!...."
"You're feeling regret, full of regret. Those data you have done your best to create, that's right, they're the same as the articles your grandpa did his best to create. Those people who trampled on and ridiculed them are unforgivable. Those pigs who made fun of grandpa's great accomplishments are unforgivable, right? Is that not true?... Nope, it's true. You simply didn't think about it because someone as kind as you don't know of any words used to condemn people.............Right?"
"................................"
Unknown feelings began to rise within me... it's hard to breathe.
The feeling of being cautious and at peace and trust and mistrust all mixed together.
......My heart began to thump before I know it, and my fingertips began to tremble.
Why......feel peaceful?
Becaus she has taught me my real dream that I was not able to express with my own words even after having grown up to this age.
And because she made me aware of the anger within me that has nowhere to go.
Why...... feel doubt?
Because she has taught me things that I have never told anyone, no, things that I have never even told myself about.
"Hey... Miyo-san? ............If what I'm saying is not wrong......... but actually completely correct............ Then I believe I can definitely help you achieve your dreams... and revenge."
".................Haa........ ..........Haa..........."
"Fufu, what's the matter...? Are you not feeling well? It would be rude of me to keep you here then. Let's take you to the nearest train station."
"......N.............no............."
A small voice leaked out from my mouth pathetically.
......It's almost like when you were little, you would end up apologizing for a prank that you pulled when you realized that you couldn't hide it anymore.
"......Did you say something? Fufufu?"
...She must've heard it already, yet......... the woman laughed, wanting to make me say it again.
"..........No, that's not true.... I, I'm not... feeling unwell...."
"Fufufufufufu. That's good to hear. Let's continue our talk then."
"......If what you said is my dream......... then what are you saying you can do for me?"
"I will help with your two revenges. One is the revenge for your grandfather. We will make those people who ridiculed your grandfather's articles take them into their hands humbly once again. Those articles they have trampled on with their feet, you see........ And the other is the revenge against the directors board for trampling on the syndrome research, which also has an emotional connection to your promise with your grandfather, simply because of faction conflicts. And for trying to end the research just to secure their own interests. A revenge against those pigs for trampling on your documents in front of your eyes, and for trying to trample even your life as well now."
"..............Revenge against the directors board......... for taking grandfather's articles and trampling them...."
"For me to be honest as well, of course, the reason why we're lending our help is because our interests are the same. We cannot allow the project that Koizumi-sensei established for the sake of Japan's future be eaten up by the likes of these lowlifes after his death....... If we only had more power, we wouldn't have allowed these lowlifes to become involved. However, the wind direction changed, and the project will no longer return to being Koizumi-sensei's ideal. It has become a pigsty for those pigs to satisfy their own selfish desires.... Koizumi-sensei, who was also the naming parent of the Alphabet Project, would not have wished for the project to remain like this either. The project should have been folded up the moment it deviated from Koizumi-sensei's ideals."
"...............Are you saying you want to make the sacrifice sheep of the faction conflicts into a wolf now?"
"If you choose to keep your grandfather's articles hiddenly away within your chest, never to be announced, then I won't force you to change your mind."
.........That's the only thing..... I don't want.
I don't mind falling to the ground myself.
But at least..... let grandpa.... let grandpa's articles.......
"Do you not want to make the articles that are the materialization of you and your grandfather's lives into something eternal......? Fufu, because... wasn't that supposed to be your true desire......?"
"............That's right.... That is......my reason to be alive...."
"We will help you obtain the chance to grant your true dream."
...Admitting myself to be a loser in life...... in the night where I drowned myself in tears and alcohol after being abandoned by everything, I obtained the help of someone who could either be an angel or a devil...
Is this an assistance from heaven? Or the whispers of a devil...?
I fought with the new directors board for the continuation of the research.
But... that was completely off-target.... It was completely off from my real objective.
My objective is not to continue researching Hinamizawa Syndrome.
...But to make people accept grandfather's research.
......Before I realized it, the method to achieve that swapped places with my objective, and caused me to misunderstand myself.
My life did not exist for the sake of continuing grandfather's research.
......It existed for the sake of relieving grandfather's regret...... for the sake of revenge.
The woman said this.
She promises to make grandfather's research eternal.
And she even promises to give me a chance to get my revenge against those people who ridiculed his research.
When grandpa Koizumi died, I thought God was playing around with me with dices again.
But... my strong determination has called forth powers that surpass the likes of those dices.
...That's why, maybe this meeting was an obvious one.
......God, you fool, trying to test me with dices again....
I will overcome grandpa Koizumi's death.
And I will definitely, definitely, make grandfather an eternal existence...... and get my revenge against God for testing me.... for sure... without a doubt...!
I will, take revenge.
(*note 1: reference to Matsuribayashi-hen main plot, concerning her childhood experiences at an unethical orphanage institution)