The schedule of Satoko-chan's dissection is proceeding steadily.
...The feeling of not watching to make Satoshi-kun sad.
The pity for Satoko-chan's heart-breaking circumstances.
......And the thought of me having to take up that cruel responsibility for the sake of this research. All of them fought within me over and over again.
Rika: "......Irie."
Irie: "Eh? Ahh, I'm sorry, I spaced off there. What's the matter, Rika-chan?"
Rika: "......My friend has been in the hospital for a long time now, does she have the Hinamizawa Syndrome?"
Irie: "Who did you hear that from?"
Rika: "......It was just me thinking. How is it, Irie? Does Satoko have the Hinamizawa Syndrome?"
Rika-chan is already someone on our side.
There's nothing to hide from her.
In fact, to not hide anything from her has become a kind of unwritten rule of sincerity for me.
Irie: "............Yes. The poor relationship with her parents, and the sudden death of those parents.... These occurrences have been too great for her to be able to accept all at once.......Perhaps that was the trigger."
Rika: "......The exam results?"
Irie: "It's L5. Although she appears very stable on the surface, her emotions are very unstable. I have turned down Satoshi-kun's visits since a few days ago as well."
Rika: "......I heard from Satoshi. He was worried about how Satoko's wounds in her heart just can't heal....... Irie, what will happen to Satoko?"
Irie: "................................."
To Rika-chan, Satoko-chan is her best friend.
It's obviously impossible for me to tell her that a schedule for the dissection of that Satoko-chan is actually already in progress....
But, in the end, even if I try to skip through her questioning by staying silent, it only confirms that the conditions surrounding Satoko-chan is in a very bad state.
Rika: "......Didn't Irie find out a lot of things by examining my body?"
Irie: "Yes, of course..........We're in a stage of testing out various things right now, including experimental medications that are expected to suppress the symptoms."
Rika: "......Can you not give that to Satoko?"
Irie: "I thought of it once.... But it's quite dangerous. We're still at a stage where we would want to test the medication on specimens that are more fit physically and mentally, and slowly gather data as we go along....... It is not something we can try on someone like Satoko-chan, who cannot afford to lose anything more."
Rika: "......Then, Irie. If you won't try that medicine, what will to happen to Satoko?"
It was a tone as if she knew that Satoko-chan's fate was going to be dissection.
......No, maybe she knows.
I have revealed most of our research to her.
......If she's more mature than she looks, then she can probably figure out the dissection on her own too after some thinking.
Rika: "......I think, if there's even a 1% chance of saving Satoko, then we should bet on it."
Irie: "It's a very dangerous bet.... In the worst case, the terminal symptoms could act out immediately and make her mad, or she could lose her mind and turn into a vegetable that stares at walls with unfocused eyes for the rest of her life.......Either way, it would be a fate far too cruel."
Rika: "......Are you saying it's much better to tranquilize her whole body and then kill her while she's asleep then?"
Irie: "..............................."
Rika: "......Irie, it's just like Takano says all the time, medical science isn't 100%. But if we leave Satoko like this, the fate that awaits her can only be 100% death. If so, it should be clear which side we have to bet on."
Irie: "......You're right. It's just as you said."
But, as the clinic head, I understand better than anyone else.
The experimental medication C103 that's in development right now is at a stage where we're not even sure if it can be used.
There's no doubt that it's success rate, if expressed in percentages, would not even amount to one.
On top of that, I can't even imagine what kind of tragic end there might be if the test drug doesn't fit the body.
That's why.........I get tempted into thinking that maybe it would be far more merciful to give her as much of her favorites as she wants... and then after watching her fall into a gentle sleep, dissect her while she's in her dreams....
......It's shameful, but Takano-san is right.
I'm still stuck at halfway, can't come to a resolution even know.
...Just how much effect would something created by someone like that have?
......Exactly because it's a drug made by someone like me... I can't believe in a success of even 0.1%....
Rika: "......I think, if it's a drug made by Irie, it can be trusted."
I gasped at the words, as if they saw right through my heart.
Surprised, I raised my lowered head to look at her...... and on her face was a firm look that's almost unimaginable from her age.
Rika: "......Irie is enduring a very harsh job that controls people's life. Originally, it is absurd for a human being to have any say in another person's life and death. The weight of that can only be understood by those who was burdened by it."
Her voice is the same... and yet, for some reason, I feel like I'm being lectured by a Rika-chan that I don't know....
And then, that Rika-chan, sounding as if she already knew perfectly well about the weight of carrying someone's life on your back,
Rika: "......The weight of that is decided by your sense of guilt and the weight of your regret.... That's why Irie can't test a drug that's still dangerous on Satoko. Am I right?"
Irie: "..............................."
I feel like I've been told the same thing by Takano-san in the past too.... Once again, I've been lectured about that....
Rika: "But.......that's exactly why I think I can leave Satoko in your hands."
Irie: "......Eh...?"
Rika: "A person's life is a very heavy thing. To be unable to endure that weight is because you have a heart that places great importance on people's life.......... Without a heart like that, how can you save someone from illness? Do you think I'd try drugs made by someone like Takano, who thinks of people as nothing more than guinea pigs? *giggle giggle*."
Irie: "......Ha...hahahahaha...."
It's not a laughing matter at all, yet I ended up laughing somehow.
......It's because I felt it would be best to laugh there.
Rika: "If both Takano and you offered your own drugs, I think Irie's drug would be the one that works. Because, medicine is something born from one's heart....... As droplets that drip out of your own body, the feeling of wanting to save people will cure their illnesses."
Irie: "......That is exactly right.......For a doctor to be taught a lesson about medicine...."
Rika: "I gave out my own body only for Satoko's sake. Everything that was pulled out of my body with a needle are the droplets of medicine I have to offer to Satoko. If you extracted something while learning of the true weight of life from those droplets, without forgetting regret and remorse....... Then there's no reason they won't work on Satoko."
......Do shrine mikos listen to people's troubles and repentances too?
If so, then at this age, she already makes a wonderful miko of the Furude shrine.
Irie: "............This...will be a gamble.......I don't know whether Satoko-chan will accept it in the end or not...."
Rika: "There's no need to tell Satoko about it. Because for Satoko, knowing about the Hinamizawa Syndrome will do nothing other than gouge at the deep wounds of her heart once again."
The meaning of her words here.
......I will notice it afterwards, and become shocked once again at her prudence and insight.
Irie: "............Let us call off the dissection plan. We will shift to the C103 administration test for Houjou Satoko.......I will do my best, to raise that probability of things going well, even if it's only by 1%."
Rika: "......Don't worry, Irie. It will definitely go well."
Irie: "Hahahahaha.... No, we mustn't be that optimistic."
Rika: "......It's alright. Because it has already been decided."
"This is... a reliable message from Furude shrine's miko-sama."
Rika: "......Fight, O~☆"