Chapter 06A: How To Win A Pet - Declaration Of War
"You have been a very worthy opponent," I compliment.
"You too, boy. My body is itching in excitement," My opponent replies.
"However!" I shout for all I am worth (which is a hell of a lot).
""I SHALL BE VICTORIOUS!"" We both yell at the same time.
'How did this situation come about?' You ask. Then let me tell you all about it. The gallant adventure of every man's envy, and the object of every woman's desire. It all began during lunch.
****
"So, you're planning to go to the Underworld this weekend then, Yuichi." Ren asks.
"Yeah, I'm looking forward to meeting my in laws," I answer honestly, "Plus, I really want to take my new powers for a test run."
I can't hold back my excitement. It's everyone's dream to get super powers or magic when they are young. I've been told that I can now use them, I wish time would speed up.
"It won't be all fun and games, Yuichi," Alicia cut in, "Mastering your power will take hard work and dedication."
"Yuichi, if you could choose any one power, what power would you choose?" Ren asks, "Let me guess, the power to make all girls fall for you?"
"Don't be stupid, Ren. That power would be meaningless. My charm and irresistible smile already does that for me," I reply sternly. That's right, my looks can attract girls stronger than any magic ever could. As my best friend you should know this already.
"Uh, yeah. R,ight sorry," Ren apologises. I forgive you, let us not talk of this matter any more.
"Um...so...it will...be..just the...two of...you?" Sakura asks softly.
"The Underworld is too dangerous for regular humans to just waltz in there." Alicia states.
"Dangerous?" I ask.
"There are many vicious creatures and monsters that live there," Alicia looks at me with a sinister smile on her face, "Chances are, you will be fighting wild monsters as part of your training."
Wait a second. Is Alicia hoping that I get injured in the Underworld? This can mean one thing and only one thing.
Alicia must want to see my body, when it is all battered. I guess she's the type who likes guys when they look a bit more on the wild side. I quickly try to imagine myself covered in mud and my clothes in rags. My god I look manly, my beauty comes out brighter than the sun no matter what. Alicia, I don't think words can describe just how lucky you are to be engaged to the very definition of the word 'beautiful'. You should truly prostrate yourself before your father for all he has done for you.
"Oh, that reminds me," Demon Mizuno chimes in, completely changing the subject, "I've been hearing a strange rumour of a talking dog appearing at the park, the student council asked me to investigate it."
Oh crap, I forgot this cow was here. Maybe I should try and sneak off.
"Oh, my classmates told me about that as well." Yuna adds.
Hm, this dog does interest me. I think I'll go see it for myself.
Even animals understand the greatness of my beauty. So they always approach me on the streets. But a lot of their affection is a bit extreme, sinking their teeth into me at first sight. But I'm the kind of guy who likes it when others shower me with love. That's why, even when it hurts like hell, I still smile and continue to stroke them.
At the end of the day I walk with Ren and Alicia to the park. Demon Mizuno suddenly had other more important work she had to do, so she couldn't come. What a shame, it truly is.
I soon notice the dog in question. It's about the size of a Retriever, with thick snow white fur, and ears that point towards the sky. It's lying down on the grass.
"Found him," I shout as I run up to it.
"Yuichi wait, animals hate you, remember!" Ren shouts. What are you talking about? They adore me, just like everything else.
"Hey boy," I say in a gentle voice whilst extending my hand out to the dog.
*BITE*
OWWW! this one's love is stronger than most.
"Don't touch me, boy." The dog says coldly.
It can really speak, that's amazing. I want this dog, I'm so taking him home.
"This dog, it's a Soul Anomaly." Alicia states, "But it looks like it returned back to its body."
"Wait Alicia, what do you mean?" I ask with interest.
"This dog is like you, it died, and its soul left its body," Alicia stares at the dog intensely, "But it must have somehow managed to return back to its body before it mutated too much."
"So what you're saying is, between that panther from before and me. This dog, in terms of its nature, is closer to me?" I ask.
So rather than a Soul Anomaly it is more like a Human Anomaly. Except it's a dog so it would be a 'Dog Anomaly' right?
"Is the reason it can talk because of this, Alicia-san?" Ren asks.
"Most likely."
"Stop talking about me, when I'm standing right here!" the dog shouts in anger. Don't be like that, just burn my beauty into your retinas and let the anger fly away.
But seriously, this dog is truly one of a kind. For the wonderful me, this must be fate.
Okay, I've decided.
"Become my dog." I jump straight to the point. The dog must be truly honoured to have the opportunity to become the noble pet of the one and only Yuichi Shiro. No need to thank me however. Being able to talk has earned you this great privilege.
"You, a little boy, who is wet behind the ears, and a manhood the size of a newborn, wish to become my master? Know your place, little man." The dog replies in distaste.
You damn mutt! That was way below the belt.
"I'll have you know, that mine is so big and strong I can weight lift with it." I shout out in my defence.
"Yuichi, I heard that sometimes a vacuum cleaner can solve your current predicament." Ren says in a understanding voice.
Just what would I clean up? I am not aware of any vacuum cleaner capable of shutting up a talking dog's mouth. So pray tell. how does that help me? I appreciate the fact you're trying to help me out, but if you say such random things, not even I, a modern day Einstein, will be able to keep up.
"I'm engaged to a guy, who is being belittled by a dog." Alicia says to herself.
Okay, that does it. I'm putting this dog in his place now.
"All right mutt! you dared to look down on the great Yuichi Shiro!" I shout at the dog as I take off one of my shoes.
*Slap*
"I challenge you to a duel!" I shout as I slap the dog with one of my socks.
"Yuichi, you do know it's a glove you're meant to use right." Ren says as he shakes his head.
"GRRR! Fine, I accept. But I'm not going to take being slapped with a sock sitting down!"
All right, the dog accepted my challenge. Now I can teach him a lesson personally.
"Hey! What are you doing!?" I shout at the dog, "Don't piss inside my shoe!"
This is how the duel between me and the talking dog began. I declared war with a sock, he did it by pissing on one of my shoes. I'll make him regret that.
***
Chapter 06B: How To Win A Pet - The Duel
After I got a change of footwear; we quickly decided the rules for the duel.
The rules are simple. Three separate competitions, best two out of three. If I win, then the dog will accept me as his master. If I lose? Like hell I'll lose. The first competition I already have in the bag.
Competition #1 - Flirting.
The rules are as follow – time limit of thirty minutes. You gain one point for every minute you talk to a girl. For example, if you talk to one girl for one minute that is one point. If you talk to multiple girls at once then the 'points = no. of girls x no. of minutes'. The one with most points at the end wins the first competition.
We came down to the centre of town as it's flooded with people at this time of day. In order to make the competition interesting, there needs to be a lot of people.
"Then good luck both of you." Ren (The referee) says. Alicia had some business to do back home, for that reason she's no longer here. Just as well, I don't want her getting jealous over this little contest. You're the only one for me Alicia. But a man has to do; what a man has to do.
The contest begins.
"Hey there cutie pie, want to spend some time with me?" I ask a mid teen girl whilst pulling out my prince charming pose.
"Uh sorry. But I...I'm in a hurry." The girl replies.
Indeed you are, you're running at such a fast pace you'd think it was the end of the world.
Well, there is nothing I can do if you're in a hurry.
But seriously, that's the eleventh girl who was in a hurry. I guess we youngsters are always extremely busy.
I take a quick glance to look at the dog, what's this?
"Ha ha ha so cute,"
"So furry."
The dog is surrounded by little girls. Damn, we didn't set any parameters for how old or young the girl needs to be. Shit! at this rate I'm going to lose.
Nothing for it, I best play my trump card.
I take off my shirt to increase the amount of beautiful skin everyone can see.
Now even if the girls have somewhere to be, they will forget all about it.
Five minutes later.
Damn! My stimulation must be too strong. My beauty is far too radiant.
Because my illuminating beauty is radiating so strongly, everyone is shielding their eyes with their hands. This is bad! Everyone is keeping at least a three metre distance, the strong shining radiance of my beauty must truly be blinding for them. I can't balance my beauty in a way that it won't be blinding. Damn it! To think I'd lose the first contest because I am too beautiful, I completely overlooked this.
"Hey mum, that Onii-chan," A little girl said to her mother.
"Hush, don't look at him," the mother replies. She's right young lady, your undeveloped eyes are not used to such beauty. You don't want to go blind young do you?
Okay enough. This is my last resort. I begin to reach and unfasten my belt.
"Young man," a sudden voice calls out to me, I quickly turn around. "Why are you not wearing a top?"
Standing there is a woman in her early twenties, she is wearing a police woman's uniform.
Did she come here attracted to my beauty?
She even went the extra mile by dressing up. How did she know that I like women in uniform? Well, never mind that. I'm not out of this contest yet doggy.
"Come with me. I'll listen to your story at the station." The woman said in a stoic voice.
WOAH! This is advancing in a way I didn't expect. What a very bold woman. Screw this competition, Yuichi Shiro shall soon become an adult. But what is this 'station' she mentioned? Some posh word for a love hotel?
The woman put her arm around me and lead me out of town.
***
Competition #1 - Flirting results:
Dog wins, Yuichi disqualified for getting arrested.
***
Competition #2 - Whack a mole.
"Okay, we're going to do the next two competitions in the arcade. We can't have Yuichi causing any more trouble." Ren states.
Damn it all to hell! that woman wasn't hitting on me. She was a legit police officer, and I got myself arrested. Why!? What did I do wrong? Luckily however they let me go with just a warning.
"You're a disgrace, boy." The dog looks down on me.
"I'm going to even the score this round mutt, prepare yourself!"
"I sure hope so. Although I expected it to go as such, if I win one-sidedly it wouldn't be interesting."
"This mutt! I'll put you in your place yet." I swear to myself.
We move over to the whack a mole machine. The machine has four rows, with four moles in each, for a total of sixteen moles. Due to not being able to hold the hammer supplied, the dog is using it's paws instead.
"START!"
Watching the dog hitting moles popping out of their holes with his paw is actually quite an amusing sight. But he's good, he hasn't missed too many of them. But I know I can do better.
"Very good! You hit ninety six moles." The machine announces.
"Best that, boy." The dog challenges.
"I will." I reply, as I stretch my limbs, "Now, watch the master at work!"
I walk over to the machine and pick up the hammer.
"START!"
As the moles raise up out of their holes I hit them with the hammer accurately. My reflexes are razor sharp, which gives me a major advantage in this kind of game. Each time the moles get hit they make an 'Ow' kind of voice, confirming the blow. Soon the game ends, and the result.
"Very good, you hit 97 moles."
"How's that!?" I said with a victory smile and pose.
"Well done boy, congratulations. I've got a better opinion of you now." The dog announces.
Finally, some respect.
***
Competition #2 – Whack a mole results:
Yuichi wins by a narrow margin.
***
Now we're tied. The next match is the decider.
Competition #3 – Dance Fever.
"You have been a very worthy opponent," I compliment.
"You too, boy. My body is itching in excitement," My opponent replies.
"However!" I shout for all I am worth (which is a hell of a lot).
""I SHALL BE VICTORIOUS!"" We both yell at the same time.
Dance Fever is a arcade game where music is played and you have to step on the four directional arrows in sync with the screen's display.
The music begins to play, we chose a song from a anime. The difficulty is set to the max. No mercy.
I begin moving my feet quickly to follow the instructions. Up,left,left,up-down, left-right, right. The directions come scrolling up the screen rapidly. One mistake will break the rhythm and lead to many more mistakes. The dog is hastily walking along the dance board whilst keeping his eyes on the screen. Damn! He's really good. Many onlookers are now watching our match.
They must be entranced by the greatness of my beauty, and the swiftness of my steps.
"Hey, that dog is amazing!"
"Yeah, I've never seen anything like it."
The dog!? What about me!? I cry within myself.
"You two are astounding!" The arcade machine shouts, "Beautiful, Dancer one."
This arcade machine is very well made. It can even see my beauty. I inwardly take my hat off to the designer.
"Keep it up dancers!" The arcade machine encourages.
I best stop letting my thoughts wander. I am aiming to win.
Up-left, down-left, left-right, up-right, down-right. There are a lot of instances when two directions need to be hit simultaneously mixing in. I thought the dog wouldn't be able to do them. But strangely, somehow, he is.
"You dancers are astounding!" The machine shouts, "This is going to go down to the wire!"
The song is nearing it's end.
I keep my legs moving furiously, this is really taking its toll on me. However, I will endure. I shall be victorious, I declare to myself again.
"And that is a rap!" The machine shouts.
The moment of truth. Who shall emerge the victor!?
"Dancer one, wins. Congratulations," the arcade machine announces.
I jump and punch both fists into the air.
"HELL YEAH!" I shout. I feel like there is a million camera flashes directed on me.
"Wow, this dog is amazing," A woman says. I instantly fall back down to reality. There is indeed camera flashes (from phones), but they're not directed at me, the victor.
Why are they not taking the picture of the very embodiment of beauty!?
***
Competition #3 – Dance Fever results:
Yuichi wins the match, and the duel.
Victor's comment: It was a very empty victory.
Loser's comment: I humbly accept my loss.
Referee's comment: It was a close contest that could have gone either way.
***
"You're my dog from now on then," I declare to the dog.
"Yes, you have proven yourself worthy to be my master," the dog replies, "I sincerely apologise for my rudeness upon our first meeting, Master."
The dog's attitude has done a complete one hundred and eighty. He now reveres me, which is how it should be.
"That's in the past, let us move on." I say with a voice showing my maturity. Only a child holds a grudge forever.
The dog lays down, almost like a sign of his loyalty.
"But Yuichi, how are you planning on keeping him? Yuna-chan aside, do you think your parents will allow it?" Ren asks.
"No need to worry," I reply, "I will need to make a few preparations first, but it'll work out. So Ren, until tonight, can we stay at your house?"
"I suppose, but why?" Ren questions.
I don't answer his question, I simply touch my nose twice.
"First things, first. I need to make a quick pit stop at the library." I declare.
"Hey, Yuichi," Ren beckons, "We can't go round referring to him as 'the dog' forever."
Ren has a good point.
"Okay, I've decided. The dog's name shall be, Ren drum role please."
*DA DA DA DA TA* - Ren did as I asked by banging on a nearby machine. Nice assist.
"Wolfy." I knight with pride and confidence.
"As you wish, Master." The dog, no. Wolfy confirms.
"You have zero naming sense, Yuichi." Ren says as he shrugs his shoulders.
Once again my friend is unable to understand my genius. Oh well, silence is golden, and ignorance is bliss. Ren is my friend, so I don't want to hurt him by shouting about the differences that separate us in the hierarchy of intellect. My kindness truly is limitless.
***
Chapter 06C: How To Win A Pet – Aftermath
"Would you like some more steak, Wolfy?" My mum asks with a smile.
"Yes please, Mother." Wolfy replies.
We're sitting at the table eating breakfast as a family, Mum is already doting on Wolfy.
Thanks to my master plan, he was accepted without a hitch. I truly am great.
"Onii-chan, we need to go now, or we'll be late," Yuna announces.
"Okay, let's go." I reply back.
"I shall accompany you, Master, Yuna-sama." Wolfy states. I nod back to him.
We begin walking to school in a brisk pace. We run into Alicia on the way.
"Onii-chan, how did you get Mum and Dad to accept Wolfy?" Yuna asks in interest.
Oh, that. I recall back to that scene in the middle of the night.
I stood before my parents bed, they are asleep.
"We have a dog called Wolfy, we have a dog called Wolfy, we have a dog called Wolfy." I repeat in a hypnotic way in front of my sleeping parents. The book I borrowed from the library entitled 'Hypnosis for beginners' truly came in handy.
My mind returns back to the present.
"It's a genius' secret. My skill of convincing is top notch." I answer.
"Even if you managed to convince them, why is it that they don't find it strange that he speaks?" This time Alicia asks.
I recall last night once again.
"It's normal for Wolfy to speak, it's normal for Wolfy to speak, it's normal for Wolfy to speak."
My mind returns to the present once more.
"That, also, is a genius' secret." I reply with a smile on my face.
"Suspicious." Yuna states coldly.
"Have some faith in your Onii-chan why don't you," I say as I turn my brisk walk into a run.
Alicia, Yuna and Wolfy begin to chase after me.
"Wait, Onii-chan!"
"Master! Don't separate yourself from your escort. What if something happens?"
"Hold it, Yuichi! You did something to your parents, I know you did!"
And so, this is how I got my talking pet dog, Wolfy.