[ickem]

I translated this small passage for someone else, but I figured I may as well post it here for anyone who wants to see it. It's from just before the climatic battle in Kizumonogatari. It's pretty funny in a perverted way, but be warned that it's depressing made me realize that my life was meaningless.

Spoiler for click this at your own peril:

"Hanekawa."
"Yes?"
As Hanekawa tilts her head questioningly, I say in my most gentlemanly manner, "May I touch your breasts?"
"....."

and

"Your breasts."
"I heard you. Ummm," Hanekawa finishes as she looks up, then down. She then looks back at me.
"Why is that necessary?"
"It is absolutely necessary," I say as I make my most serious expression. "You haven't seen her, right? Kiss-shot Acerola-orion Heart-under-blade in her true form?"
"Umm...well, I've seen her 12 and 17 year old forms, so I can imagine it."
"The image you have in your head probably falls far short," I say as I raise my index finger. "She possess breasts that far outstrip your imagination."
"....Breasts"
"I'm afraid I will lose while being captivated by those breasts. Those breasts will probably sway violently in the middle of battle. That's why I need to accumulate experience with a girl's breasts as a counter."
"I didn't expect such a a stupid reason...."
"Y...you can't grasp the theory?"
"....Umm"
Hanekawa closes her eyes and brings her eyebrows together as if she had a headache.
".....Fine then"
"Huh!? Really!?"

and of course

"Y..you won't get mad afterwards?"
"Don't worry. I won't get mad."
"Really?"
"Really."
"...Okay then, just in case there is a trial later, please say, 'Araragi-kun, please massage my bra-less boobs'."
Pop!
At least I think I heard that sound.
It must be the sound from Hanekawa's blood vessels bursting.
Or it could be the sound of her facial muscles tearing.
"A....A..Araragi-kun, pl-please m-ma-massage m-my bra-less boobs."
"No, saying it in such a low voice is no good. That makes it seem as if I'm forcing you to say it against your will. You have you say it in a louder voice to express that you are doing it of your own free will."
"Araragi-kun! Pl-please massage my bra-less boobs!
"'I am honored to have my boobs fondled by Araragi-kun'."
"I-I am ho-honored to...h-have my boobs fo-fondled by Arara-gi-kun."
"Um...'I developed these lascivious boobs for the sole reason of having Araragi-kun fondle them'."
"I developed these la-lascivious boobs for the sole re-reason of having Araragi-kun f-fondle them."
"Really. I never realized, you're pretty perverted, Hanekawa."
"...Yes, I am incredibly perverted. Please forgive me."
"You don't need to apologize. No matter how perverted you are, it's not like you would trouble anyone."
"Th-that's right, ehehe."
"Well then, in what way are the perverted and serious class representative's boobs are lascivious?"
"I can boast that th-their size, and softness...are peerless in their lasciviousness!"
Ahha.
So that's how it is.
I questioned why I was born in this world many times during puberty, but in this seventeenth year of life, I have finally found the answer.
I have been enlightened.
My existence was for this day.
My life was for the sake of this moment.
The human known as Araragi Koyomi was born to experience this day...no that doesn't encompass it all.
This is not simply about myself.
Most likely, this world has existed this long in order to allow me to experience this day.
From this point on is simply the afterword of the story.